Motivation, Habits and Goals

It seems all the Divas have been in my head! It feels so good to have this awesome group of girls that know just how I am feeling. I have been pondering what to post on next and I have alot of thoughts here, so its kind of going to be a potpourri of things :)
First off, changing my competing date from October to May had some unexpected effects. I am truly ok with the decision, but I went through a mild depression and just felt lost like someone had blindfolded me and spun me around. I didn't expect that.

I didn't want to go to the gym AT ALL. I kept up the clean eating for fear of getting fatter, but I took a week off working out. It was sooo hard to go back, but after the first day I felt better. After the second day I felt I had some purpose again and now I'm all motivated again. I have found that motivation comes and goes and if I can just push through I will start to feel it again. I have found that the best cure for feeling unmotivated is to simply do something to move towards your goal, its almost magic how it works.

I realized with this week off how important habits are. They make something that takes lots of effort...seem easy. When you are in the habit of going to the gym everyday, preparing your meals and drinking all your water, theres no drama, you just do it. Break the habit though and suddenly you are fighting with yourself, making excuses and just not getting things done. Your life is a series of habits, make the right habits, you make the right lifestyle. What are your habits? Are they leading in the direction you want to go or in the opposite direction? One of my favorite quotes about habits is:

"Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become your character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny."

another one is:

"First we make our habits, then our habits make us"

So I set some new goals. I have to have a goal, something to pull me along. I usually have to have BIG goals that make me hyperventilate when I think about them to keep the pizza out of my mouth and consequently off my butt and thighs :P

One is to do a photo shoot, since I will have to be in competition shape for that. I would love to have this done on the beach.

The second, I have no clothes hardly! I need a new wardrobe! Yay shopping! finally I will be able to wear clothes I LOVE rather then choosing clothing based on what I can hide in it, and.... is it black? because black is slimming so must wear black!

The third is summer and all that comes with it. I want to have fun this summer. I want to wear swimsuits and shorts and not be huffing and puffing along in long shorts and mens t-shirts. "My mother-in-law once said to me, oh you might like this, but its kind of girly, maybe its not your taste." I was like "dude! I don't wear this because its my style!" They don't make the clothes I like in this size :( lol I love pretty sparkly things!

Fourth... ( this is a post off my other blog I posted a few days ago) I have realized something. I have been thinking a lot lately on the process of dieting down to compete and then regaining only to diet down for the next competition. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. I then ran into this article, which really fleshed out my thoughts on this. When I read this I was like YES! thats what I want!
I still want to compete of course, but I decided long ago that I would not give up the idea of what I want MY body to look like. I will not sculpt my body into something only the judges are happy with.
When the competition is over I don't want to put on 30 lbs, I want to maintain an incredible physique year round. Do I think I can be a fitness model? I have no idea, nor do I care, right now its about pleasing myself, looking in the mirror and loving what I see. Fitness modeling is highly competitive and not an easy thing to do. I won't close the doors on those ideas because who wouldn't like to be a fitness model? I say this because the article is kind of geared towards those who aspire to be fitness models. That however is not my focus. I need to see where I can take my body now, what it will look like at its best. To be the best I can be.

This truly has to become a lifestyle. The most motivating thing to me is not getting up on a stage in heels and a bikini, its having an amazing physique that turns heads everywhere I go. I don't want to have to wear a shirt that says "Figure Competitor" when I am not training for a competition in order for people to realize thats what I do. I also don't want to always be training for competition in order to stay in shape. I want to train for the joy of training. For me competing has always been a step to....... something, I haven't always known what, I just knew it would lead where I wanted to go and it has. A step to the body I want, a chance for me to prove I have the discipline and desire to do what it takes to compete and in turn to live the lifestyle. Could I handle the hard workouts, turning down food I love for a piece of dry chicken , the mental game? I am excited to see, and when I step on that stage for the first time I will be able to answer yes! I can!
I am all about the dream, because that in my opinion is whats carried me to where I am now, (that and Tony :D) Dream Big!!